(This is a long-form post. If you'd like to download a pdf ebook, click VisionQuest Day 1 – Desire)

After several years of compromised health and mental function, I decided it was time to figure out how to live happily at this “new normal.” Since I had a training scheduled in California, I chose to add in a vision quest on my way out to really go deep to find out what I want to do with what is now possible, and how to release what is no longer possible.

I had met Scout Wilkins a decade ago at a marketing training and followed her antics on Facebook since. Not only is she a biologist and guide in Zion National Park, she’s certified in NLP and hypnotherapy, she’s built a sheep wagon, run a dude ranch, does delightful art, and loves chickens and improv.

Although it feels very vulnerable, I want to actually share my inner journey as well as the activities that supported it.

Scout was able to get permission to park the van at a house near Zion, where I’d be able to use the bathroom and kitchen. This sounded great! Little did I know the “house” was Lazalu, the residence of artist Rob Perkins who traveled the world making documentaries for PBS. And he was away, so we had use of the whole place!

As soon as I walked in, I realized how much more was being offered and how much I had minimalized my desire – just enough to get by would be “good enough for me.” A whole lifestyle that fit within what an exhausted being could create and maintain. The whole explosion of color and creativity was so far beyond where I thought I was going, I realized I hadn’t dreamed big enough, even for my Big Retreat. OK. Big up-level in progress!

Scout and I had a beautiful conversation about how, especially in a coaching business, our desires are fulfilled IN the fulfilling of others’ desires. She had wished for more intimate, in-depth work that brought her own journey to light in sharing stories. And here I had called her and shown up “out of the blue” asking for an experience that allowed her to create a VIP retreat and be in *her* happy place! I began reflecting on how I want to feel in serving my clients, and what they may be desiring that I can fulfill. Definitely want to include this sense of deep connection – and meeting in glorious places!

“My desires are met in your desires being fulfilled” through me, as I get to experience in the process.

Rob purchased the property from its original builder, and there’s not a square corner in the place. The story goes that he asked his wife, Claire, for the word meaning “the muchness of everything,” and she made up “lazalu.” He asked her to write that down. Then he ate the paper.

I set up the van under a tree for shade, not far from Scout’s sheep wagon.

I invoked my Divine Coordinates and journaled around what I do Desire, mostly energy words like “creativity,” “connection,” “flow,” “joy,” and “clarity.” It’s a start.


Indeed, the bathroom facilities were fabulous. Outdoor shower:

And commode…

With a view.

I slept well in the van, although I quickly learned the value of parking in a level spot!

Day 1: Lazalu and the Muchness of Desire

Before breakfast, I made myself some coffee in the kitchen and did some Intuitive Art asking, “What is the Soul intention behind bringing me to this time and place of deconstruction and desire?” Basically the drawing that came spoke to relaxing into a gateway home to my power and an emergence into plentitude. Nice.

Each day began and ended with a private sound session with Scout’s crystal bowls in the Lazalu main room.

The intensity of the vibrational frequencies penetrates your body beyond thought. Getting out of my head was a lot easier with this support!

As we were finishing up the first session the first morning, two women stopped by to meet Rob, the owner who was away. But on hearing what we were up to, they stayed and we all made vision boards together!

Ingrid is visiting from Denmark and Erin edits the local arts magazine. I loved Ingrid’s grounding invocation, “stones and stars.”

So, having acknowledged a desire to share deeply and in amazing spaces, women arrive at the doorstep, joyful to dive in and share inner work. Duly noted.

Then we headed out for a hike to the cave off the back of the property, The Eye of the Needle.

Pretty sure that’s Oz off in the distance.

I’ve never been a big fan of caves, and the entrance to this one is quite narrow.


This is absolutely the most explicit cave, or rock formation, that I have ever encountered. Clearly a place to contemplate Divine Union.

We sat in silence for quite a while, then Scout serenaded us with Holly Near’s “Planet Called Home.”

As we sat, I felt memories stir of sinking into Earth connection. Why did this feel like a return – this is how I've lived for so long! And yet … my recent history of over-focusing on business hustle while I lived in California played through my mind. Never enough time to get beyond the rock in my own back yard on the mountain. Always on my way to a workshop or event without time to stop along the way and melt into the beauty of the landscape. I smiled as I reflected how the images in Purposetivity were all created on my computer, while the ones in Art of Adventure were none from my office! Growth for different parts of our human experience. I feel my roots go “down down into the ground” as the chant goes, and I smile with my eyes closed.

Coming back out felt like a rebirthing experience.

We walked back to Lazalu.

Local residents.

Our guests left and Scout made steak for dinner!

Then the bowls sang to me again and I headed out to my van.



Vision Quest Day 1 of 4: Desire
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